I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize