Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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