I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
