in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize