i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
