he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
