Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
