Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
