Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
