and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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