3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
