I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
