I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
