How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
