he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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