Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
