There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
