I heard we made out
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
