i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
