I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
