So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
