Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
