honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
