That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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