it wasn't lemon gatorade
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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