Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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