Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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