love makes seman taste better
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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