chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
