We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
