after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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