a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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