I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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