Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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