I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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