I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize