Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
porn star boner night. come get it.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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