and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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