Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
