is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
