I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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