plz talk dirty to me
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
