Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
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He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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