I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
A+ Viking dick
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
