Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
