just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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