Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
