YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
