remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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