Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
