the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
