Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
