It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm too high and old for this...
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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