oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
