She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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