hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
