So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
