I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Randomize
