you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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