So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize